There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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