C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
