I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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