Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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