hotel room ftw
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
