omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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