I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
