It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
