My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize