i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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