yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
