she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
