can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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