I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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