So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
