It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
