We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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