i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
