So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
