I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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