I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize