and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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