Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
