hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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