can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
