we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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