He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
