Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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