I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
