i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
