Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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