u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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