Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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