Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
