Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
