Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
