I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
