By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize