I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
