I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
