dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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