Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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