While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
