You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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