I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
