Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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