paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
