are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
either way he was missing a nipple.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
