end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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