Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
