Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Is it because I queefed?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
