hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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