i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You've changed since you got that strap on
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize