I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
