I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
