Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize