I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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