now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
