If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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