So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
