dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
