I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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