The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
handjob tips. give me some.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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