i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
