my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
