Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
