i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
