sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
