I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
