So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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