Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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