Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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