I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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