Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
