just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
