we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
