Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
