I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
