32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
