you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
