I am puke
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dicks are not precious.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
