if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
