Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
