i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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