Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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