every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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