I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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