Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
