I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
