Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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