i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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