there's paper in my vomit.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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