I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
