Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
