sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
