CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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