i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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