I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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