so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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