I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
