So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize