Me too!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
