I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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