Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
